Momentary Glimpse: May 28, 2015

I have to wear a holter monitor today to record my heartbeats for 24 hours. (Trying not to think about how itchy this tape is making me but that’s a whole other story.)

As I was in the waiting room this morning, an elderly couple walked in and smiled at me. You could just tell that they were still madly in love with each other. It made me long for something I often feel like I will never have.

It made me think of someone. How I want that to be us in 50 years. How I want to accompany him and vice-versa to things that make us nervous. How I want to wake up every morning and breathe normally because he’s finally next to me, no matter how old and wrinkly we both look. How he is the only person, flaws and all, that I find myself loving unconditionally.

Thank God this happened before they hooked me up to the monitor. I can only imagine what the readings would look like. :)

Wrong

She tried to fill what was missing; those hollow, empty spaces that have echoed her insufficiency for as long as she can remember.

She tried to do as they do. But it was wrong.

She naturally rejects their apathy of what makes her come alive. She tried to live as they do. But it was all wrong.

She lives wrong.

She feels wrong.

She breathes wrong.

She stands wrong.

She sings wrong.

She eats wrong.

She loves wrong.

She prays wrong.

She writes wrong.

She dresses wrong.

She laughs wrong.

She smiles wrong and she frowns wrong.

For a lifetime of being told she is wrong, it took her years to figure out what was right.

It is a battle every day, asking herself if this is right.

And this, my friends, is where she went wrong.

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Hollywood

I think you’ve been blinded, darling.

Red carpets. Runways.

Palm trees. Actresses.

Models. Fashion bloggers.

 

They’re all the same girls with different names.

 

Take my hand and I’ll take you away from here.

This plastic town and their phony smiles.

Look to the sky for something authentic,

something true.

Is all this worth ruining you?

 

You deserve the galaxy,

don’t settle for a star.

If you’ll just come home now,

you’ll see I’m not very far.

 

‘Cause baby, I don’t want to have to say that I lost you to Hollywood.

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Lonely Balloon

No balloons.

No cake,

and no kisses.

But there are wishes.

 

There are prayers,

and hopes for a day well spent.

There are visions of laughter,

Visions of a future of happily ever after.

 

Another year without you,

another candle lit.

Tears and fears running rampant,

can’t stop His timing well fit.

 

Wrapped with a bow,

saved only for you.

This gift of timing and love stored,

let it flow through.

 

My heart has been yours for quite some time.

I love you, darling, though you are not mine.

Well wouldn’t you know?

Turns out I’m the patient kind.

 

So as I release this lonely balloon up into the air,

I’ll say a birthday wish and a birthday prayer.

For He is its guide,

and it will find you somewhere out there.

 

Happy birthday, my love.

How I wish you were mine.

But I wouldn’t for one second,

rush His perfect time.


 

Longing

plane

Sometimes I watch the planes fly in at night,

wishing you were on one of them,

making your way back home to me.

You’d call and say, “Baby, I’m home.”

I wouldn’t have to wonder what that feeling felt like anymore.

But a part of me does wonder,

if there’s any part of the longing that I’ll miss.