Picture yourself at 10 years old. What did you consider to be “problems?” I was going through my room today and came across my boy band CDs. It brought me back to a more simpler time; when my biggest problem was whether or not NSYNC was #1 on TRL. When I barely understood anything about what all of those pop stars were singing about. I think I liked it better that way. Oblivious. Stupid. Innocent. Now I’m just dumb for waiting for something that will never happen and worst of all…jaded.
Now I know what it’s like to watch the person you love, be with someone else. I know what it’s like to be invisible; to feel like I’ll never have a voice. To be so delusional that I still think there might be a chance for me.
I miss being 10 years old. I miss not knowing how shitty love is. I miss not knowing the hurtful things guys will say to you to stop you from loving them. I miss running around my house like a lunatic after eating a bowl of ice cream. I miss using my front sidewalk as a chalk board.
But most of all, I miss going to bed at night and falling asleep immediately rather than being up all night worrying about things that I can’t change. Is there a way to turn it off?