It must be nice to be a hipster. I mean, I’m not sure how hipsters are in other regions of the world, but the ones here in my town of Greenpoint, Brooklyn seem to have it all so easy. Greenpoint is Hipster Nation. Where hipsters thrive and there are no more questions about where Waldo might be. Chances are, he’s in Greenpoint spending $8 on a latte. Maybe some of them have jobs. I honestly have no clue but if they do, then great! They’re one step ahead of me! In fact, I’m very jealous. Although, most of the ones around here seem to aimlessly roam around the city all day and it makes me wonder how they can afford to be, well…hipsters? They may look like they’ve been Dumpster diving with Ke$ha all day but they have one hell of a lavish lifestyle if you ask me.
Word on the street is that a lot of them are living off of their trust funds. I wish I had a trust fund. If I did, I’d be blowing it all on concert tickets and college. Weird combination, huh? I never could afford college, whereas hipsters probably went or are in college and are either taking up space or partying 90% of the time. I’d kill to get my foot in a good college (and a $60 concert). Maybe then I’d be taken seriously by the saddening job market. Because you know, it seems you need a piece of paper nowadays to make it anywhere. I’d also really like to be able to walk into a Starbucks multiple times a day and order whatever I want without worrying if I have enough.
Hipsters live in all of these newly built up condos that cost more than my parents’ salary combined for a month’s rent. How do they afford that? Even with a zillion roommates, I still can’t fathom it. How can you afford that rent and still have cash to blow on coffee and booze everyday? Not to mention the bicycles and organic groceries. Again, the term “trust fund” comes into play and it just really makes me wish I had one even more. Money: they say it means nothing but when you’re in my position, it can feel like life or death. Sometimes I feel like you even need money to find a job! It must be nice to move out of a small town, come to New York and do whatever the hell you please all day! When faced with the possibility of moving somewhere else for a job, I’m crippled with the thought of “how would I ever afford that?” Some of them don’t even invest in trash cans. They fling their garbage outside of their apartment windows! I really wish that empty Tabasco bottle hit me in the head…
Hipsters claim they don’t have it all figured out, i.e. the HBO train wreck that is Girls, and I can relate to that, but don’t say you’re in a bind when all you do is party every night. We’re not teenagers anymore. Get your priorities straight. I overheard some hipster guy at the library talking on his phone (I’m pretty sure it was an iPhone. Wish I could afford one of those, too) who I admit I thought was attractive until he opened his mouth, that he, and I quote (I swear this happened), “really wanted to go to that party in the ghetto (probably Bushwick) but his parents wouldn’t give him the money.” Oh sweetie. If only I had the problems you have!
Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I catch myself doing hipster-ish things. It’s possible we all have channeled our inner hipster one time or another. I could probably even be a hipster if I tried really hard, which I’m convinced they all do. I already have the whole music thing down. I can just set my voice up to sound exactly like them and maybe I’ll make it in! Maybe they’ll share their secrets and their wealth with me. Maybe I’ll get so drunk at a loft party that I’ll barf on a canvas and become an overnight sensation! The possibilities are endless! Or, I can just follow my neighbor’s lead and take a picture of my laundry hanging outside and call it “Clothesline.” Genius!
No matter how you look at it, or how much they deny it, hipsters are living the good life. If not, they sure are acting like it. Cheers to you, hipsters of Greenpoint! You all have the world at your feet and you don’t even know it. I’m not here to offend. I’m just here to point out the obvious. Maybe the grass really is greener (and eco-friendly) on the other side.