There comes a time in our lives when we feel as if no matter what we do, we are disappointing the people we love and most importantly, ourselves. When our dreams scare us and we think we will never reach that point of greatness we all envision for ourselves. This has been a constant struggle for me for years. Job applications get sent in with high hopes and no matter how much I follow up and prove to them I am worthy, I never hear back. It really takes a toll on your self-worth. On a good day, I’d say I’m worthy of anything. On a rejection day, I hate myself and I start to over-analyze why I never heard back. What am I lacking? It’s everything, isn’t it? My writing is terrible and I don’t fit into their mold. I say I’m fine and that I’ll pull through (I always do) but at the same time, I’m breaking from all of the rejection and pressure to fit a certain way. My instincts tell me to stop asking for permission and to just find a way to kick start something of my own but it’s all a matter courage and knowing how to get there.
“Your time will come if you wait for it, if you wait for it
It’s hard, believe me, I’ve tried
But I keep coming up short”
Eventually I know I’ll get to where I want to be. But as of right now, my anxiety level has hit the roof and I find myself freaking out over things that I probably shouldn’t be worrying about. It’s probably my worst habit.
Imagine Dragons’ “Amsterdam” is one of those songs that you need to blast during times like this. You can sympathize with Dan Reynolds’s words while they motivate you to keep holding on for better days. I can’t wait until the day when I can blast “On Top Of The World” and actually be able to relate to it.
“Believe me when I say, that I wouldn’t have it any other way”
Through it all, this is all a part of life. I keep telling myself that I am where I’m supposed to be right at this moment. God has a plan for us all, and if we follow the signs, we’ll get there in good time. Patience has been the hardest, but I’m starting to get the hang of it.