Creating My Own Cloud 9

sky.pngA couple of weeks ago, I mentioned how life is like the weather. It is constantly changing and nothing ever really stays the same forever. As I was sitting outside my front steps in Brooklyn on this beautiful afternoon, I looked up and wondered if anyone really looks up at the sky as often as I do. I was literally just sitting there looking up like I was watching a movie and then I noticed this couple looking at me and then looking up, wondering what on earth I was looking at. They looked skeptical and probably thought I was high on something. I’ve been pretty high on life this past few days. Things just seem to be turning around. Finally. But somewhere deep inside I know they’ll go back to shit again. But that’s just my old ways creeping up on me. They never fully left yet.

As I was observing the sky, I wondered how I ever had my doubts about God. How can anyone look at the sky, or the stars, and not believe in some higher power? The clouds are constantly moving. Changing. Re-arranging. We are those clouds.

I love observing. Sometimes, I feel like human beings are not programmed to observe. We are programmed to live life like it’s one big race. Who has the best job? Who went to the best schools? Who has the most money? Is it so wrong that I don’t want to live that way? I don’t want my anxiety to wind up killing me before I hit 30 just because I’m not as established as everyone else. We waste so much of our precious time on things that stress us out and kill us in the end. I want to observe more. I want to document these things so that I will never forget them. I want to start taking more pictures, even though I feel like a hipster whenever I do. If they can take pictures of dog crap and post it to Tumblr with the tag “dog shit in Brooklyn,” then I can certainly take more photos of the sky! I want these observations to take flight in my creativity. I want to write things I never imagined myself writing. I want to move forward. I want to see.

There are two things in this world that I am praying for with every ounce of my being. I cannot say what they are, but the sky gives me faith that things can turn around. Clouds move away from each other. They also glide towards others. The impossible can turn into a very bright possible.

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One thought on “Creating My Own Cloud 9

  1. I love the sky, probably as much as you do, since usually when I feel lost I’ll find myself staring at the sky.
    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting to live a typical life. It’s a matter of choice. I used to struggle of whether I’d want to live an established life as a pharmacist or work behind the scenes as a social worker – I chose the latter. I have the best grades in Uni. I don’t have the best job. I don’t earn the most money. But (I think) I have the most satisfying life. I know when I’m 80 – if I could live old enough – and when I look back I know I’ll have no regrets. The process of chasing after my dreams is enough for me to treasure. I have stories to share. I have a life journey that inspires. I might be too young to say so but this is what I felt.
    I’m not sure if you believe this. I believe that God (as in whoever that’s watching over me) has a gift for everyone but it’s up to that person to decide whether he or she wants or how to use it. Your writings inspire me a lot and I’m very blessed that I could read your blog because it gives me faith in continue writing.
    I updated my gallery at Buzznet and I couldn’t emphasis how much I still need money despite living up my dreams. I want my source of income to also be my source of happiness and satisfaction. I think it’s what sets me apart from others [: And I think it adds a layer of challenge to life too – but I’m up for it.

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