All By Myself

I often wonder where all of my friends from Florida are right now and if they are happy. I moved to New York when I was 6 years old, and sadly I never kept in touch with my old friends from Winter Park. Do 6 year-olds do that? I’m not even sure. All I know is that I could use a friend right now.

Since I have nothing but time on my hands, I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had stayed in Florida. Maybe I would have went to a better high school, had better grades and a shot at a better education; maybe I would have even gone to college. Would I have had a better group of friends? I always had a tight bond with a few people back then, and I wonder if we would have still been friends had I not left. Was my life really supposed to turn out like this? Somehow I know its all my fault for the way things are now and that’s the worst feeling of all.

It’s so hard to relate to people. I want to surround myself with people of the same moral integrity but people like that are a rare find these days. I’m sick of being called “boring” because my idea of fun doesn’t involve alcohol or drugs. The friends I do have, I can count on one hand, which is amazing but unfortunately, they don’t live anywhere near me. My one go-to place when I can’t hold it all in is God. He’s probably tired of me and my worrying by now. Is it possible to have a best friend that doesn’t talk about you behind your back? I’ll never know because I’ve been burned way too many times to ever know what having a real friend is like. How pathetic am I.

I don’t mind spending time alone, but sometimes I just need someone I can talk to without being judged or me feeling like I’m bothering them. It’s crazy how much things have changed yet they’re exactly the same.

When you’re walking down the path that was paved for you, you’re going to encounter some bumps along the way. I’ve somehow always managed to pick myself up all on my own. I have no idea how I manage to do it, but I guess I operate better on my own.

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