I think I’m adventure deficient.
There is so much I want to do in this lifetime, yet I feel overwhelmed whenever I think of how little money I have to check all of these things off of my list. It seems you need money to do everything. While the notion that money can’t buy your happiness is true, it also is a major buzz kill. I want to travel. I’m not sure traveling would be considered materialistic. Seeing new places and discovering who you are while jumping out of your comfort zone ignites a happiness I’ll never be able to explain – yet you still have to pay for these things. It’s funny how we don’t put these two things together when we’re young. We think we can just pack up our things and do whatever we want but that’s just not doable, especially for people like me. Maybe one day.
I’ve been noticing a pattern lately. I’m currently at the point where I am just so frustrated with my job search that I’m becoming a typical bratty twentysomething that complains more than appreciates…and I hate myself for it. I try my hardest to look at the brighter side of things; to not dwell on what I don’t have but on the things that I do have. Sometimes I tell myself that its OK to feel impatient – to cry when I get overwhelmed with doom and to lock myself away from the world’s criticisms; but eventually you have to get back out there again and face everything head on.
“But why won’t they let me?” I find myself asking this question more than ever. Why won’t they give me a chance? I know I have the ability to learn everything I’m lacking. I’m slowly starting to grasp the fact that I am not the problem. I need to show them what they are lacking. Everybody deserves a fair chance but it helps if you make your own luck and take things on yourself. I am a force to be reckoned with and there is nothing anybody can do or say that will take what I love to do away from me. Rise up to your ability.
As for my adventure deficiency, this life is more than I can take on at the moment. But it still would be nice to see England. 😉