Keep Calm and….No, That’s Not Possible

I have plenty of anxieties. Some are more practical than others. Some come and go, while others unpack their bags and stay the month. Most of my anxiety comes from one single yet silly notion that hasn’t even occurred. Will it ever occur? I sure hope not, but if it does, I’m not sure what state I’ll be in or if I’m emotionally ready to handle it. It’s like I’ve been preparing for it all year. Preparing for the worst, hoping for the best.

For once, I’d like to calm my frazzled heart/mind and just relax knowing it will all be alright. The uncertainty eats me alive. Uncertainty leads you to think the worst and when you think about the worst case scenario, you tend to overlook all of the blessings in your life. A lot of my anxiety stems from fear of change or lack thereof. I’m not sure if that makes any sense.

In the past, change was viewed as a flaw; something to fear. It will ruin the way things once were and there’s no looking back. Now, I crave change yet still fear it at the same time. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Sometimes I just wish my parents made things less scary growing up. Maybe I wouldn’t be the freak I am now.

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