There are many things I could have done differently, but looking back, I’ve realized that I’ve learned from all of those mistakes so at the end of the day, it all worked out. Some things aren’t so black and white, though. We dwell on these things until we wind up with a head full of fear and a prescription for Xanax.
I’ve been noticing the way the media handles tragedy. They dwell and poke and prod their way into every possible crevice, asking the infamous question: what could have been done differently? What could have prevented this from happening? There are many ways to prevent accidents, but we don’t think of them until its too late. Many things contribute to tragedies, but at the end of the day, there is nothing more we can do. Perhaps that is what keeps me up at night: not having a way to control things, to make things better for the long run.
I’ve been blindly navigating my way through learning to trust God. I’m a newbie when it comes to this stuff, so I’m not fully prepared for much. At least that’s how I feel with mostly everything I do. When things were really bad a few months ago, I held on for dear life. Things got better and they might even work in my favor sometime soon. Yet I’m still terrified that everything is going to blow up in my face and I won’t have a way to change any of it. I’ll sit night after night, day after day, asking myself that same question. What could I have done differently?
After dwelling on past disappointments, its best to think ahead. Imagine what your life could be, not could have been, and go build it. Every end is a new chance for a new beginning and things won’t change unless you make the first move. As for me, I’ll still mapping out my destination, but its not so much about Point B as it is about the little places in between. Something huge is about to happen and I’m glad I stuck around to see it. The good news is that I don’t have to walk through it alone. There’s a hand I’ve been ignoring for a very long time and it is time that I acknowledged it.
Faith is blind. It’s better that way.