Dear Morally Clueless Idiot Who Sat Behind Me at a Restaurant,
I am writing this letter to inform you of just how much of a womanizing jerk you are. My mother and I were enjoying a nice quiet lunch until you decided to sit behind us with your douchy friends and your obnoxiously loud voice that I’m sure other people probably heard from across the restaurant. You may say that this is none of my business, which in part is true – it’s not, but when you have no filter and the voice of an obnoxious howling jackass, it’s kind of hard not to make it my business. Here are the reasons why it was so hard for me to not get up and pour my drink on you, or better yet, punch you in the face.
The first thing out of your mouth was, “damn, I wish I would have gotten laid last night! That chick was such a f****** tease!” That caught just about everyone’s attention, including the elderly couple seated on the other side of us. Maybe you should get some pointers on how to treat women from them, as it seems the times and morals have changed. After Beavis and Butthead (that would be your friends, who coincidentally sounded just like them) laughed like a bunch of deranged hyenas, you began to describe your sexual encounter with another girl the previous weekend…along with the ones that preceded her. I hate to break it to you hun, but nobody wants to hear that in public. There is nothing more disgusting than hearing people brag about their sex life. This may seem like a foreign concept to you, but there’s this thing called ‘class,’ and you, my friend, have a lot of growing up to do. I can’t fathom why any woman would want to sleep with you in the first place (do you keep roofies in your pocket?) but I have to be honest, I do not pity these women. You’d have to be a real dingbat to go anywhere near a guy like you. Sex should be treated like any other personal, private matter. If you can’t respect that, you’re not mature enough to be having it.
After you went on for what seems like an eternity about things that I’m starting to suspect never even happened to begin with, you decided it would be cool to check out every waitress that passed by while rating their bodies. Again, I’m not sure what your purpose on this planet is but as far as I’m concerned, you’re a waste of space. Maybe you never had anyone to teach you how to be man, and I apologize if this is true, but there has to be a better way, dude. The way you treat women is degrading and you’re going to wind up alone if you don’t wake up and do something about it. How do you feel inside when you’re rating women and sleeping around? Does it feel like you’re “the man?” I’m pretty sure the big man upstairs is shaking his head about you.
See, here’s the thing: Us girls? We hear everything you say. We see the way you look at us. We take everything to heart. When a guy catcalls us on the street or when we hear a guy judging us on our bodies like there isn’t a heart inside that feels every insult, it doesn’t magically fade away. We work on our confidence everyday, unlike you, who confuses confidence with arrogance. Rating a woman based on her looks doesn’t make up all that she is. It’s not the whole picture and it never will be, despite what society feeds into your puny little brain.
See, I know your kind – the obnoxiously loud know-it-all who swears women are crazy and who will say whatever comes flying out of their mouths without thinking. Words hurt, my dear. They leave more of a mark than you think. Watch what you say. It’s unattractive.
At one point during your disgusting tirade about “bitches,” my mom turned to me and said, “I’m so worried about you and what you have to choose from with men these days.” The sad thing is, she’s right! You’re all about showing off to your buddies while completely ignoring how your actions make us feel. You and your douchebag brigade are the reason why I am happy to stay single. I would rather sit with my 40 million cats when I’m old than have to put up with your asinine bullshit! Those women you were calling crazy? Maybe you are the reason behind it. Maybe you’re a pro at hiding your infidelities. Maybe they were on to you all along. Women suspect everything. We always find out, sooner or later. You are the cause of any trust issues a woman may have. Trust means nothing to you so you do whatever you want without consequence. Let me just tell you that those girls you dated/slept with aren’t the only “bitches” you’ll ever encounter. Karma’s the biggest one, and she’s coming for you, sweetheart. Lord, have mercy on you. 😉
Not only did you disturb me and everyone around you, but you also disappointed me. I want to believe that there are good guys out there, but the more I hear, the less I want to let anyone into my life. I’m sorry for calling you a man before. You’re not even close. You disgust me.
I urge you to take a closer look in the mirror. Look deeper than the exterior. Do you like who you’ve become? Would you want someone else treating your mother or your sister the way you treat women? Wake up. It’s never too late to be a better man…because the one you are now is breaking up the girl.
The Girl Behind You (who also blogs) 😉
^ I had to.