Limits of Desire

There’s always a wall.

A wall that divides us from what or whom we truly desire.

We could be standing right in front of them, yet there’s something holding them back.

Or maybe it’s us. Maybe we’re the unlovable ones. Maybe we’re not enough.

Maybe they really do see the flaws we try so hard to conceal.

What a concept – to have someone you like actually like you back.

For me, it’s always been the ones who don’t know how to treat women that are interested in me. If they’re undesirable, they’re usually after me and I am tired of it.

If they’re good men with a good family, I’m not good enough for them.

It’s always the models, the fashion bloggers, the actresses.

Anyone.

Anyone but me.

Is this all I’m worth?

Am I a horrible person?

For once, I’d like to think about someone and have them think about me back.

Enough limits. Enough daydreams.

There’s always a wall and I’m tired of trying to break it down all on my own.

Lately, my faith has vanished and it’s taking it’s toll.

The limits of desire have turned me into that jaded girl I used to be.

Who I thought was gone.

But it turns out, she never left…and things still haven’t changed.

 

“I wanted relief from wanting. A moment beneath nothing at all.”

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