Missing You

I’ve only experienced someone close to me dying when I was 17. My grandmother died in July 2006. I saw her 2 days before she died. She had this look in her eyes, like she was taking it all in one last time. She kept staring at me the most. It made me uncomfortable at the time but now I know she was only savoring every piece of me.

What do they think about when they stare at you like that? Can they see your past? Your future? Are they setting it in stone, working closely with God to make sure we’re safe and happy?

I often wonder if she really knows my situation. That he has the same face as my grandfather at 28. How him & I remind me of them. Is she behind all of this? I’d like to think she is. I wish I knew what she thought of all of this. How she feels when I worry myself sick over every minor detail. How I can’t seem to get my life together.

There’s so much I’ll never know nor understand, but I’d like to believe that she has my back up there in Heaven. I don’t know any good men in my life. I’d like to believe that, even though he died when I was 2, my grandfather is watching out for me. If I never meet a good man, at least I’ll know that I had one and he’s fighting for me.

 

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