This Hope Is Treacherous

I think Taylor Swift said it best in her song, “Treacherous.”

“I can’t decide if it’s a choice, getting swept away.”

When all of our love blows up in our face, we tend to wonder if we brought it upon ourselves. Maybe we could have stopped it before we got in too deep. But what exactly defines “too deep?” I think the second we start to fall for someone, we’re already swimming in dangerous waters. Or at least in my case, that’s how it always seems. What if they don’t like me back? (They never do) What if I’m not pretty enough? (I never am) What am I doing wrong? (Everything)

For me, there’s no way in. I watch the person I love with his perfect model-esque girlfriend and I just have to laugh. I must be kidding myself to think that someone like him could ever fall for me. It just seems impossible. Maybe that sounds saddening to whoever is reading this, but don’t lie. You’ve felt it too. When her new Instagram picture is of her with a shirt on that says I Woke Up Like This (this trend needs to die) meanwhile you know it’s probably true while you tend to stay far away from the mirror in the morning as possible. I’m tired of fighting it.

Maybe this is the part where this whole situation tests my faith. It sure as hell feels like it. All I know is that I am sick of feeling second best. I’m tired of being told I am as well.

 

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