I have never been more scared, confused, frustrated and utterly alone than I am right now at 25. I’m finding out who my true friends are as they watch me hurt while I watch them run the other way. My job search gets harder and harder with each passing day that I’m not even the slightest bit enthusiastic about my work or what I want to do anymore. Basically, I am hopeless. Drained. I might as well be dead.
I need a break.
My main goal with Fearless In 2014 was to document and share my experiences of me working towards my goals. But life doesn’t always go the way you expect it to on New Year’s Day. I’m trying my best to be fearless this year, but I think I’m trying too hard. I’m so worn out. I even tried asking for help – a tiny favor, but apparently I was asking for too much.
I am losing myself, God feels further than ever and I can’t wake up in the morning without wishing for the entire day to be over with so I can go back to sleep. It is time to stop. Just stop. Ignore those who ignore me and get back to who I once was. I was filled with so much hope and buzzing energy. Now, I feel used, useless and ugly. This is not who I set out to be in 2014 and I refuse to spend the next 6 months feeling this hell I’ve been in.
I need room to breathe. It might slow down the process a little bit, but it’s saving me my health. I’m way too stressed and I need relief.
It is time for me to shutdown for now.
When it’s time to reboot, I hope to feel stronger and ready to take on anything, but as for now, I need to let it all out.
This won’t be pretty.
Fearless In 2014