5 Weeks Til…?

I’m not sure why it feels like a countdown to my death sentence, but I have 5 weeks until I turn 26.

My first thought is, “how the hell did this happen?” along with “time flies when you’re getting old.”

With every day that passes by, I feel like I am running out of time.

I should have a damn job by now. Right? People should want to hire me. Right? The longer I search the more jaded I become…and I’ve been looking and applying for a while. Right now, stocking shelves and tagging clothing items at Forever 21 sounds pretty appealing, but every time I think of stepping foot in the realm of retail, I get this horrible feeling that once I dip my toes in, I’m never coming back. Most people my age feel this way, which begs the question: is this all we are worth?

I waste so much time worrying about if I’ll ever be happy meanwhile I’m not exactly a basket full of sunshine right now. It’s like the mere thought of knowing you’re going to hate every minute of your future life haunts you until you stupidly miss out on things that have the possibility to make you happy, if not slightly.

I’m just trying to enjoy my life, but there’s always the thought of what I should have looming over my head like a dark cloud. Will I ever find a job that brings fulfillment into my life? Will I ever find a place where I actually feel like I belong?

What have I got to lose? At this point, absolutely nothing.

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