20 Posts In 20 Days: I Think It’s Time To Get Out

*For the next 20 days, I am challenging myself to write 20 posts on self-reflection, etc. Times are stressful and it’s easy to lose sight of ourselves and what/who we want to be and achieve. Brave enough to participate? Just follow along and send me your posts via the comments, a pingback, Twitter or Facebook. 🙂

depressed-girl-sad-water-Favim.com-119053

I wish I had told you to stop. You cannot talk to me that way.

I wish I had told you that I do not pity you. There was nothing to pity – it was you all along and you know it.

I wish I would have realized that it wasn’t me. You had the problem and you made it worse.

I’m happy I told you no. I wish I would have told you that whining about it made you disgusting in my eyes.

 

I wish I would have told you to go to hell, but I figured you thought I already put you there.

I wish I would have told you to get the fuck out, but I didn’t have the heart to. I hated fighting.

I wish you knew how much I resent you for every mean thing you have ever said to me. I don’t remember the good times, just the ones you ruined.

I wish you knew all the nights I thought I was going to die – hearing everything played back. How I’m not perfect enough. How you said that you’re settling for me quite bluntly. How my confidence died and it took me a while to get it back. You were a monster disguised as a boy framing me as the villain.

 

I wish you remembered that night you told me that I’ll never find anyone if I don’t give in to the pressure. “If it’s considered to be pressure, it’s because you are fighting it. Don’t fight it. Just give in.”

I wish you knew how you were devaluing my self-worth.

I wish you knew that there is more to life than what you felt so deprived of.

There is more to life than what you drowned yourself in.

 

I should have left you to drown.

I should have kicked you out and let you spend the flight home hating who you’ve become.

I should have told you to pack your bags, your words and go find a backbone.

I should have known that this would linger. That I blocked out all the red flags.

 

But I shouldn’t have to tell you how to act or how to be a man.

I shouldn’t have to tell you how to speak to me.

I shouldn’t have to tell you how to handle yourself when things don’t go your way.

I shouldn’t have had to tell you not to ruin me.

 

I should have said and done a lot of things…but I didn’t.

But I’m telling you now.

I can’t carry around your weight anymore.

You suffocated me then and I refuse to let you suffocate me now.

 

You’re not my problem anymore…you’re her’s.

I think it’s time to get out.

 

20 Posts in 20 Days

Who Am I?

Values

Purpose

Describing a Dream

Right Back In Your Face

The Pros and Cons of Living In Greenpoint

5 Twitter Handles You Need To Follow

10 Feel Good Things About Life

This Is How You Lose Her

Either You Write or You “Write”

The Clock Winked

Fragile

The Most Difficult Aspects of Being 26

Emerald and Sapphire

Let’s Love Like Seventeen

Repeat Offender

Meeting Tyler Knott Gregson

 

“Never thought that I would feel like this. Such a mess when I’m in your presence. I’ve had enough, think you’ve been making me sick. Gotta get you out of my system.”

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