*For the next 20 days, I am challenging myself to write 20 posts on self-reflection, etc. Times are stressful and it’s easy to lose sight of ourselves and what/who we want to be and achieve. Brave enough to participate? Just follow along and send me your posts via the comments, a pingback, Twitter or Facebook. 🙂
I wish I had told you to stop. You cannot talk to me that way.
I wish I had told you that I do not pity you. There was nothing to pity – it was you all along and you know it.
I wish I would have realized that it wasn’t me. You had the problem and you made it worse.
I’m happy I told you no. I wish I would have told you that whining about it made you disgusting in my eyes.
I wish I would have told you to go to hell, but I figured you thought I already put you there.
I wish I would have told you to get the fuck out, but I didn’t have the heart to. I hated fighting.
I wish you knew how much I resent you for every mean thing you have ever said to me. I don’t remember the good times, just the ones you ruined.
I wish you knew all the nights I thought I was going to die – hearing everything played back. How I’m not perfect enough. How you said that you’re settling for me quite bluntly. How my confidence died and it took me a while to get it back. You were a monster disguised as a boy framing me as the villain.
I wish you remembered that night you told me that I’ll never find anyone if I don’t give in to the pressure. “
If it’s considered to be pressure, it’s because you are fighting it. Don’t fight it. Just give in.”
I wish you knew how you were devaluing my self-worth.
I wish you knew that there is more to life than what you felt so deprived of.
There is more to life than what you drowned yourself in.
I should have left you to drown.
I should have kicked you out and let you spend the flight home hating who you’ve become.
I should have told you to pack your bags, your words and go find a backbone.
I should have known that this would linger. That I blocked out all the red flags.
But I shouldn’t have to tell you how to act or how to be a man.
I shouldn’t have to tell you how to speak to me.
I shouldn’t have to tell you how to handle yourself when things don’t go your way.
I shouldn’t have had to tell you not to ruin me.
I should have said and done a lot of things…but I didn’t.
But I’m telling you now.
I can’t carry around your weight anymore.
You suffocated me then and I refuse to let you suffocate me now.
You’re not my problem anymore…you’re her’s.
I think it’s time to get out.
20 Posts in 20 Days
“Never thought that I would feel like this. Such a mess when I’m in your presence. I’ve had enough, think you’ve been making me sick. Gotta get you out of my system.”