Over the years, I’ve become the type of person that pushes herself to revisit the places where some type of sad event has happened. I need to go back to these places to not only get some closure, but to think about where I am in the moment versus who I was the last time I was there. It’s a coping mechanism I’ve found to be very helpful in dealing with sadness, loneliness and loss. Sure, it may sound unconventional but I’ve never been one for normal people activities so why start now?

Back then, and even now, there were barriers I knew deep down I wasn’t meant to break at the time. Things are different now and if I ran into him on the street today, they’d vanish and I’d be set free. But that hasn’t happened yet.

One day, I am going to bring him to that place. I’ll tell him how I always come right back to it in my mind of that night and how I regret leaving so fast. I’ll tell him how I sat outside, in this exact place, with tears in my eyes, wondering if I’d ever see him again; hating the fact that for possibly the last time, we’d be so close yet so far…with no way for me to get back in.

Some barriers were set for a reason and a set time. Don’t think for one second I’d ever stop trying to break them.

“I need a miracle to bring me back to you. I know you’re gone now, but I still wait for you.”


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