July 25th holds multiple meanings in my family.
On July 25, 1995, I made the trek with my parents from Florida to New York at the ripe age of 6. To think that I’ve been a New Yorker for 20 years now just mind boggles me. The city (and my neighborhood in Brooklyn) has changed so much within the past 20 years, I wouldn’t even know where to start. I’m beginning to feel like an outsider in my own home. (Who am I kidding? I’ve been an outsider my entire life…)
On July 25th, 2005, my mom and I made our first visit back to Florida after a decade. Turns out, things changed back home as well. Streets were unrecognizable and the things that I knew as my childhood were gone; erased with new strip malls and apartment complexes. Nevertheless, I still miss it and it beats living in this concrete jungle any day.
On July 25, 2006, I lost my grandmother. I’ll never forget the last time I saw her, as she stared intently at me, possibly trying to take me in one last time. She knew she’d be leaving us. I think we all knew. She put up a good fight. Now that I think about it, I think she handed her endurance over to me. Maybe as she looked at me that day, she knew everything I’d be dealing with over the past 9 years. My only question is, “How did I do?”
Now, as we hit July 25, 2015, my world has been shaken but it’s starting to settle; the pain is subsiding but still there, pinching me when I least expect it. Things may not be the same but that’s a part of life. Someone I once loved (and let’s be honest, will probably always love) once said, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” It’s that simple. What matters is how we handle it.
Take all the time you need.
“It’s a new chapter. A little scary….but that fear is how you know it’s working.” ♥
“Looking in the mirror,
smiling at her fear.
Nothing really matters,
these eyes have so much to see.
She looked around.
How did I get here?
Twenty years goes by so fast.
How did I get here?”