A lot can happen in six weeks. Sometimes, the simplest turn of events can make a huge impact. Six weeks ago (OK so maybe a few days ago) I was feeling defeated and completely worn out. I’m happy to say that things are starting to shift. I feel it in my gut – that knowing feeling. I’ve been skeptical of following it after what has happened, but there is no denying your intuition. Six weeks ago, I never would have looked at all of this as a blessing in disguise. Sometimes when you lose at something, you’re really winning.
Here are a few things I’ve learned within the past six weeks:
1. I never knew the real meaning of insomnia until I had to try falling asleep with an empty heart. Eventually, pain fades and your dreams reappear. The fire in your heart returns and what didn’t seem possible before has the potential to be even bigger than you imagined.
2. Sometimes you need to put kindness aside and let someone know how much pain they left you with. Karma’s a bitch but closure feels wonderful. A goddess is emerging. 😉
3. Your self-worth does not depend on how others treat you. If I have to remain alone until a real man understands that, so be it. No more bullies. I am me and I refuse to ever compromise my morals and everything I value to be ripped to shreds by someone who cannot appreciate this heart of gold. If you win my heart, not to sound all cocky, but you’ll be the luckiest man on this earth. I promise.
4. God knows what He is doing. I may need to restore my relationship with Him, but going back felt nice and I think I’m finally ready to fully trust in what He has in store. The worst is over. I survived. The events of the past few days have made me realize that He really is working behind the scenes.
5. It is okay to feel everything at once. Don’t listen to those who say you should numb it away. Feeling things is normal. It’s what makes us human. I hate when people insinuate that I’m not allowed to feel a certain way. Don’t waste your pain – purge of it with your art. Be creative. Share your voice. You never know who may be watching who really needs some reassurance.
6. “There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” – C.S. Lewis
“I watched the fire burn down
I saw the smoke carry it away
But all this joy outta the ashes
I would’ve held on but I got distracted
I guess I never thought
Anything good could come from the dead and gone.”