I have blindly loved him for 1,826 days.
1,826 lonely nights.
1,826 pages written yet unsent.
1,826 wishes upon stars.
But when I look at him now, I feel nothing.
Maybe this is progress.
Maybe seeing him with her on his arm,
On a red carpet,
Opens my eyes somehow to everything that would have killed me.
That scene he tries desperately to hold on to.
The ways I want to escape at the flash of a camera.
The ways we never would have worked when his heart was in La La Land.
1,826 days only to be washed away with the emptiness.
So if all of this was done blindly
And I never really had a chance
I can’t help but wonder
If I can ever trust myself again
Though they were not wasted.
For I learned the meaning of love
And how far I’m willing to go to fight for it.
Only 5 spent in his presence.
And he never knew.
“Once upon a time I
Thought you were the hero
I waited for you all night
I closed my eyes and slept for years”