Three Months

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My entire world changed exactly three months ago today. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it is exactly 13 weeks later and I’m still breathing. For five years, I let something define me. I’ve spent the entire summer completely and utterly restless so to say that I am sick of facing everything all on my own is the understatement of the year. This has been the most unexpected yet eye-opening summer of my life and now that the fall has arrived I am ready for a brand new beginning. Yet the cynic in me is telling me to learn from what just happened and not get my hopes up, allowing me to come to the conclusion that all hope is false. Whatever happens, I hope I have a good soundtrack to go through it with. I am tired of the restless nights without a hand to hold.


I remember the rain

How the storm roared in precisely upon learning

The drops on my window reflecting the tears in my eyes

The disbelief

 

I remember the pain

The feeling of my heart sinking

As everything I prayed against occurred before my very eyes

Him down on one knee

But it wasn’t for me

 

I remember the fall

My knees bruised and weary

The pounding of my fists

And the breaths skipped

 

I remember the slow burn

The silent screams

The knock on my door

When my silence turned into a hurricane

 

I remember the hopelessness

For it has not left me

I remember the nights of restlessness

The hollowness

The nightmares

 

Three months

And I’m still running on empty

But I don’t want it to become me

 

Three months

But I think you have left me

Washed clean of the false hope

Just an empty shell

Without a hand to hold


“Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It’s never really over, no”

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