Number one had a room full of unspoken truths. When he finally spoke, my world moved, but he was too afraid to let me in. He told them I was too powerful and that I would only hinder his life. When he chose another, a lesser version of me, my heart broke but eventually mended.
Number two was a hurricane. He hid a world full of lies inside himself until they all exploded out of his mouth and scarred me for eternity. He blamed his pain on me, eventually turning me into an empty shell with every hurtful word inscribed in bold lettering on my skin. If you look real close, you can still see them.
Number three was a charm. He lit up my world until it was too bright to see past the mirage. He showed me the meaning of patience, effort and comfort. His lack of presence left me haunted, waiting for him to come home; relying on God to do the unimaginable. He made me believe in miracles and helped me to see all that I could become. One day, he got down on one knee, but it wasn’t for me. He never knew his impact but I still feel it every time the cold wind takes the life right out of me. I will never be the same again.
Number four was disappointing. He told me I was beautiful then walked away. His actions explained what was never said; that I am too much effort and not enough ease.
Number five had a bright future. He made me believe again for a very short while. His existence shook me, as I foolishly believed I was allowed happiness again. His silence became overwhelming, making me question everything I lacked. I think he’s my favorite. I think his sting hurts the most.
A long list of almosts; apparently I’ve been keeping score
Though not mentioned, there are still more
Their words keep taunting
Telling me the truth
That you are who you love
Not who loves you
“I’m so sick of that same old love, the kind that breaks your heart.”