Oh hey, it’s World Mental Health Day. Does that make you feel better about your own mental health? Me either.

I can’t believe I didn’t notice this until today, but I’ve been spending a lot of time in bed for the past 7 months. Whenever I feel like I’m just going to break, I go hide under the covers and hate myself. It sometimes takes hours for me to emerge back into the world. I’ve gained weight, thus making me hate my appearance and to top it all off, I have no desire to do anything about it because I’m so fucking tired. Sound familiar? I thought so. So why do we feel like we’re complaining or making others uncomfortable whenever we speak up about it? We’re not begging for sympathy, we’re just being honest.

I’m tired. I really am. I am fucking exhausted. I’m tired of wondering if all I am doing is taking me in circles. I’m tired of hiding my depressive side just to make others comfortable. I just want to go far away from everyone and recharge. But honestly, if I disappeared, it would not matter.

I appreciate days like World Mental Health Day since it brings awareness to the issues we all face on a daily basis but are afraid to speak up about, but does it accomplish anything? As far as I know, I still feel defective and having a special day to let everyone know that doesn’t make me feel any better.


4 thoughts on “#WorldMentalHealthDay

  1. Aw Tina, I’m really sorry that you’ve been feeling this way. I wish there were something I could say that it would make it better but I know it doesn’t work that way. Hang in there! And if need be, feel free to use your blog as an outlet to express what you’ve been feeling/going through.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tina, I respect your honesty and honor your process. If your feeling shitty then just feel it. I’ve learned over the years that my overwhelming desire to feel happy to make others feel better just pisses me off more. So therefore when I started to allow my feelings to be more apparent, I had quite a few people get uncomfortable. They were not used to the quite or subdued me, they were used to the smiling jokester that was everyones emotional cheerleader. So now I am seeing the true friends that can hold that space for me to be sad or mad at times. Because of that it allows the experience to move through me a lot quicker. I’m able to not feel so much pressure, which now I realize I put on myself. SO HERE’s to your shifting through the shitty times and moving up that damn scale to hopefulness and joy. Here’s looking at you my fellow Brooklyn Girl. (I was born there) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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